oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
only you would photoshop your dick
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
