Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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