I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
