booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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