A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
