I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
