is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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