didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
