Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
