just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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