There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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