I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
