Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
this just has baby written all over it
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
