She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
