Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
