I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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