just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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