i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
