I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
