dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
