Got a toothbrush?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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