Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
