I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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