I just pynch a tree in the face
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
