Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
