what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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