This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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