I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
