why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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