drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
