well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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