I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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