Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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