You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
