he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize