I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
