I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm sobbing to NWA
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
