And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
