Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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