fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
