You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
