yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
