So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
