She is in my trunk
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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