can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize