i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize