HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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