dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
