The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
