She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize