these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the day after is always just damage control
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
