3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
