Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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