and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
