I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you never un-have a 4some
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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