I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
