3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
