Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
