billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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