There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
