I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
