He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
