girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
