Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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