Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
