Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i dont even know how to be here
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
