how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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