just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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