the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
