I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
