WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
where are my eyebrows?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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