He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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