we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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